Life

This is strange. We lost 3 friends this month, and I have found that there are times when I can't and don't feel anything inside. It's as though there is a certain amount of tears allotted to each of us, and if you use up your qouta then there will be no more.

I have tried thinking about it, but it just gets blocked by something in my brain. Not sure what.

*pondering now*

Will come back later.

Wet and Wild Weekend...

No, not quite that sordid, but it was a sordid wet and windy weekend! The heavens opened and the rain sluiced down. Friday’s weather was terrible, as it did not seem to let up until the late afternoon as Pepe and I made a beeline for Ikea…

Yes! Ikea! Pepe and I have a love for all things Ikea! We can not help ourselves, so on a Friday night we bounded over to that ‘superstore’ and went wild!

Well. Maybe not wild, but we really had fun shopping. :) We bought two ‘Daves’ and no, we did not buy two men called Dave, but these fantastic laptop tables in white:

http://www.ikea.com/gb/en/catalog/products/00120818
Yes! They’re great! :) I put them together on Saturday all by myself proving that I do have an opposable thumb and am not afraid to use it. ;)

However, once we had paid for the furniture and tried to go outside – it was raining cats and dogs. I pelted across the car park to my little blue bug, drove it up to the loading bay, we loaded up Malutkie (my little car) with our haul of goodies, and got wet.

As we drove back to the flat I found that I never want to drive on the A406 in the rain at night time ever again. It was horrendous. I could barely see the road markings, because there was so much water on the road and there were some really idiotic drivers out there that night adding to the horror.

Anyhoo, we made it back safe and sound. Hurrah!

Arthur was away enjoying lovely warm sunny weather this weekend. Lucky man. T-shirt and shorts, he says. Me, shivering in my thick jumper and thick woolly socks.

Anyhoo! I was meant to sort out quite a few important things this weekend. No success there I’m afraid! Do you find that if there is a really cumbersome, tiresome, irritating piece of work, you’ll do anything else to avoid it? So, the flat looks pristine, the laundry was done and the Ikea furniture and other bits and bobs sorted out, crappy films were watched…but not the essential piece of work. Oops!
At least, I am not alone in this. There are other procrastinators out there! Unite, I say!
Hmmm, maybe tomorrow… ;)

And here we go again!

Hello there! I've returned! A year and 9 months later than expected... Oops. Where have I been? What have I been up to? Does anyone care? Never mind, I will just try get you all up to speed whether you like it or not.

2007 was a very hard year. I went through hell to put it mildly. My work was crucifying me and when I would return to the flat in South London in the evenings hell was awaiting me - therefore, I had no rest wherever I was.

Until...

I met my wonderful man, Arthur in December 2006 (who I mentioned had entered stage left in February 2007). I have never ever been so lucky. He came into my life just as everything was about to crush me, and saved me. Yes, he did, hallelujah! ;) Seriously, though. Without his love and support I could not have made it through. We are still happy together and it will be 19 months this September. :)

Arthur helped Pepe and me to find another place to live when we had to leave that 'previous abode' in South London, because we refused to be walked all over by someone who decided that it was their way or the highway - so, because we did not comply, we were told to leave. After we did so much for them, we were treated almost like vermin. Even now, when I think of that person, I am filled with such bitterness. It's getting better now, but I don't know what I would say to them, if I ever saw them again.

Well, luckily for us, we avoided the highway and he (with help from his property savvy mum) found for us a lovely little flat somewhere in a lovely, leafy part of North London. I still can not believe that we escaped from that poisonous person. Someone up there must like me a little bit...
The day Pepe and I were moving out together, the movers (two really big and burly men) parked outside the flat and I found that the division between North and South London is alive and well. Our neighbour came out of his flat looking surprised and said to me, 'Oh! I didn't know you were moving!' Where are you going to?'

I smiled rather tiredly and answered, 'North London.'

He said rather quickly with a grin, 'You traitor!'

Wha...??????!!!!

I stared at him, and asked, 'Why am I a traitor?'

'Because, you're moving across the river.'

Hmmm. Right. Now this animosity between North and South is a funny one. It's the stereotypical view that in the North they're more wealthy, snobby, lovely housing whereas in the South there's a higher crime rate, arty types, and the areas look a bit downtrodden - I mean, I'm sorry but all these words describe the whole of London! For some reason there is this rivalry. There was even a Nike run between the North and South! C'mon, London, give it a rest!

So. We moved in late April. The most stressful thing about it was the packing of 2 years of my little life into boxes. It was quite therapeutic. It felt good to throw away a certain person through the medium of 'downsizing.' I hadn't done that in a long time, since my family upped sticks and left Africa where we had 117 boxes to move across continents!

Arthur had invited me to join him for a visit to Nashville, Tennesse for a week's holiday, and I jumped at the chance. :) It was a fantastic time and it was my first visit to the States. :) Arthur and I have experienced so many wonderful things together and this is because of his curiousity to see and enjoy so many interesting events. :) I can say that I have enjoyed London like never before, because of you, Arthur! XXXX!

Peps and I settled quickly in the North, and I then decided to go through the next phase of my life - changing jobs. Oh my word... I had a big surprise awaiting me - you have to prepare for job hunting as though you are preparing for an exam - and I HATE exams! Anyhoo, my 1st job interview was a good one, as it gave me a really good kick up the derrière. I had not prepared as well as I should have done and this showed, which embarrassed me. I managed to get a job, and I made the switch at the beginning of October - it's nearly been a year! My word. Time does fly.

I work outside of London now , but the job is not 'me.' A job should never define who you are, but it should somehow be in tune with you... At the moment, I don't feel as though this is right, but! I am not in the most stressful place. It is fustrating, but at least I am not going home feeling as though I went 10 rounds with Mike Tyson and then got run over by a massive truck.

During 2007 I was pathetic in keeping in contact with friends. I think that I may have lost some along the way, and for that I am truly sorry. Things got the better of me.
I found myself being busy, stressed, inundated, unhappy, very happy, fustrated, angry, bitter, and becoming tired of trying to be there for anyone, even myself. There are times when I just want to leave the ring, and say 'Time out!' I just want some time to think without being immediately worried about something that I have not completed, something that I have overlooked, that I have upset someone by forgetting to call, by forgetting to write, by simply forgetting.
I am rather human, and there are those who have been too used to me being super quick, super efficient, super there for them all the time that when I fail in this respect - it's as though I am the worst of the worst.
Christ almighty. I am ONLY human. I am VERY tired. I need a super long holiday to completely recharge my batteries and rethink my little life's direction - no can do. I am on call, 24/7.

Ruth, I admire you so much, because you had the balls (only figurative ones!) to be brave and go and do what you wanted. You've been experiecing life and met so many interesting people. I wish I was even a little bit as brave. Kudos to you!

2008. Hmm.

Not sure about this year. We are into September now. Mum has not been well in late 2007 and in 2008. I am very worried about her. I missed two weddings in August, because I needed to go and see her. I feel so guilty living and working in London, whilst she lives alone in North Wales. Dark, wet and dreary North Wales. Where the locals still call us the 'Incomers'...even after we've been there for almost over 13 years... No further comment here; that statement just says it all.

Mum has currently popped over to Poland for treatment she knows she can trust and also that she can get! As in now, and not waiting 2 years or something ridiculous like that. I drove to and from Wales at the end of August during the weekend - 13 hours of driving, though not continuous, it absolutely drained me.
I will be attending a wedding on the 13th September in Warsaw, and I am looking forward to it, but also not. I've put on a bit of porkiness and my Polish is not up to scratch. Oops. Oh well. At least, I shall provide the Aunties something to cluck over and disapprove. You can't say that I don't give...
Arthur will be coming with me, so I will be interested to see his reaction to the Poles and their partying! ;) Haha! Should be fun - lots of wokda will be flowing and good food abounding. ;)

I know it sounds as though I have been negative and moaning throughout this post - you'd be right! However, it has been hard, emotionally. I would like to thank my close friend Pepe, Arthur and his amazing mum for being there for me. My mum has been patient, kind and understanding when it has been much needed. I will hopefully be much better at keeping in contact and will try to tackle life and be a better person.

Ciao for now, and I promise not to leave it until next year. :)

Yowza! Or some such exclamation...

Gomenasai Mina-san! I beg forgiveness for my tardy updating of mon blog. C'est unforgivable. (Give me a break, I don't have my French dictionary to hand. ;p Haha!)

It is unbelievable, how quickly time has just slipped by...dammit, February is nearly over! Argh!

These past two months have been...how shall I put it? A rollercoaster ride. Filled with ups and downs - sad news, bad news, good news, fantastic news - all of these. These past two months have been so full, that it feels as though life itself was trying sumo wrestle me into submission. I'd like to think that I have not been pushed out of the ring...just yet.

My social life over the weekends has trippled. I'm flabbergasted at just how much. Me? In demand?! Oh, darlink! I thought you'd never ask.... Sugoy! ;) Yes, but by the same token -->Work has trippled since last year. Not good! However, I can bear it, and with a smile no less. Gasp! How can this be? Well, it's partly due to, 'I don't give a c**p anymore' ;), but mainly, it's due to someone who has appeared stage left. Yes, you know who you are. ;)

2007 is looking to be a tough year, but I feel ready to face it head on. Don't ask me why, but I have this great positive feeling inside.

Now, it's time for another of my special rants....

What the hell....?! That was my thought, after my encounter with this woman one morning. Yes, I am still a bit piqued and puzzled about it! ;p I was trotting (as you do...or rather as I do) to the station (and no, I was good - I did not forget my handbag this time! Hurrah!), when this woman walking on the opposite side of the street and going in the opposite direction, called out to me.

I stopped, greeted her and asked what could I help her with? She strolled over with a card in her hand, and asked me the directions to a road, which I had not heard of. So, I thought a bit and asked, 'Did the lady you spoke to give you any landmarks?'

She told me about a roundabout, so I looked away further down the road trying to think about where I had seen said roundabout when I turned my head back to her to finish saying something (literally, this took only a few seconds)...she had walked off! Without saying a word!

I mean...what the hell?! What can you say to a retreating back?! 'Errrr...You're welcome...?....HAG!'

And then run like the dickens.

People are strange. I should know. I belong to said race of strangeness, but there are those who go beyond this and into...God only knows what. I think she was just scooting into this category. Unbelievable.

Then there's Molly. Wonderful smelly Molly. I had to give her a bath last night, because Pepe looked at me with 'that look' and said, 'Molly feels gross and greasy.'

Ok...dammit. It is not my favourite thing to do, to wash this pooch. She loves to shake herself whilst in the bath...

So, I lured Molly into the bathroom with the promise of a treat and then the door was shut firmly behind her. Thus began the saga of bathtime.

'Molly! Good doggie! Very good doggie! Yes, you're very good! ARGH NO MOLLY NO STOP ARGH!' issued from the bathroom. My poor flatmates. ;p

I emerged after having dried the pooch; drenched, yet again, in icky dirty doggie bath water. It's like...I don't know...wrestling for 20 minutes. Well, that shattered me for the evening, I can tell you!

In any case, life is, at the moment, full, full, full. Work is taking up too much time, so that has to be addressed sharpish. Boss was nice to me this evening. GASP! Yes, I know I nearly fell off my chair. Checked his eyes, noooo, don't think he's taken drugs... Can you believe he let me off?! I still did quite a bit of work, but...I didn't have to meet one of my targets! Hurrah! However, I must tread carefully. He might be plotting something. Yup. He's that kind of boss.

So, chin up, face forward, be positive and march! But watch out for any doggie business underfoot... Such is life, eh? :)

Zut Alors!

Yesterday, I did something which I have never done before whilst living in London...I forgot my handbag.

Gasp!

Yes, I'm afraid 't's too true. I walked out the front door, down the hill, through the station and then it hit me on the platform. No, it wasn't a train, but the figurative bolt of lightning. No handbag! There was the backpack, but the absolute essential was missing!

So, I had to trot double-time back up the hill, and knock on the front door hoping that the girls would be up to let me back in! Thank goodness for Pepe, who opened the door and looked at me in astonishment. I thanked her profusely, scooted inside, grabbed the offending article (not its fault, but dammit!) and hurried to catch the train.

I made in on time...on the dot! Phew....what a great way to start the day! I didn't need a coffee in the morning; the adrenalin pumping through my veins was enough to make me zoom!

Akemashte Omedeto Gozaimasu!

Lazy, lazy, lazy girl! I am referring, of course to myself. I want to wish all and sundry a very Happy New Year and a great start to it. I guess better late than never, eh?! I am having to get used to dragging my carcass out of bed at 6:30 again...ooooh, no rest for the wicked!

In any case, as I told a mate o' mine, my 'New Year's Resolution' is to misbehave. I think it's high time for some fun. ;)

Last year ended on some high notes and a few low notes. The highs were singing in a gospel choir with my friend Pepe (after only 2 rehearsals!) - where as amateur singers we all sounded great together - I had forgotten how much I enjoyed singing in a choir - the feeling of being a part of a bigger sound...it's inspiring; my mate T's Christmas party - so much fun! T really knows how to bring people together for a great shindig; meeting up with friends to hand out gifts, or to take them to see a film (a gift idea of mine). I have to say that at the end of that week, I was about to collapse! I was so GRATEFUL that I was granted those 3 days of unpaid leave from work. I really needed the zzzz.

There were lows of course. One of which was the result of misunderstandings and overly high expectations.
The other was the passing of our cat Elsa, who had to be put down on the 23rd of December. Mum and I were in tears when we took her to the vet. The poor thing was dying in front of us, and she was beyond the point of no return. Mum was devastated, because that feline was the craziest, most psychotic, talkative, adorable stray you could ever hope to meet. As my mate Nicky once described her, 'A fine figure of a cat.' She was left by the previous owners of the house, and so Mum in her infinite kindness decided to feed and make friends with the furry black terror. It was a friendship that lasted for nearly 10 years. Hard to believe that so much time has passed and that we will no more see those 2 little black ears through the glass door, waiting to be fed, or hear the strange gutteral cry heralding a present in the shape of a dead mouse. Rest in Peace Elsa, there is no cat like you, and you are much missed.

Mina-san (everybody), do your best this year. Be bold, be brave, and most of all - be adventurous! If not now...when? I will try to do my best too; after all, practise what you preach, eh?

Gambatte!

Flash Mob Dance Baby!

Konnichiwa Mina-san!

The time: 19:08 GMT

The Date: 30th November 2006

The Place: Paddington Station, London, UK

The Situation: Mobile Clubbing or as I'd like to call it, 'Flash Mob Dance Baby!'

Yes, T sent an e-mail and in it held the key to the phenomenon that I had read about before & definitely wanted to try...

Unfortunately, T couldn't make it, so I thought to myself, 'Why the hell not go on my own?' They who dare win!

So, I brought along Madonna's new album 'Confessions' as it's really the only 'dance' album I have at the moment.

As I was sitting on the tube, I looked at the people sitting around me and I wondered who amongst them would be joining me for this dance-a-thon. Arriving at Paddington Station, I decided to check out the 'venue.' I surveyed the area, and what did I espy?

COPS!

Yes! You read me right!

Plus some employees from the station standing, watching and waiting. One chap walked past me and there in big black bold letters on his high-vis vest was 'Incident Management.' You wot?! C'mon! Ahahahaha! As though they were expecting a riot... If it was that serious, then there would be many more policemen and policewomen swarming around the station. ;p

I watched the clock. 19:00. People began to gather in small groups. I noticed this chap with a video camera who had his iPod earphones in. We looked at one another. He winked. We had understood one another. He too was a mobile clubber!

19:15, and the area was dense with people smiling cheekily at one another, feeling slightly self conscious but with an air of determination to do the deed - to dance!

19:18, a ROAR went up and...

What was this feeling? I saw happy smiling funny cheeky funky cheesy dancing people. I felt warm inside, I felt my body suffused with this wonderful feeling of feeling part of something bigger, brighter, better.

I saw people become exhibitionists, with crazy moves, gyrating, jumping, twirling, with hands pumping the air. I saw HAPPY people.

What a difference a dance makes...

I'm pleased to say that I kept up with everyone and danced for an hour non stop; now and again I would yell out, nay SCREAM out and a roar would go up all round, joining me.

20:18, an hour and this brought an 'official end' to the dancing. However, there were those who still kept going. I had to depart, as my bed was calling out my name. I moved away from the jiving bodies and I removed my headphones....

What a different viewpoint. I could hear my music so clearly with my headphones on, and felt the beat, yet without it, all I could hear was the scuffling of feet, and few 'yeahs.' I felt a little bereft, as though I'd lost something somewhere. Everyone who was still dancing could hear their own music, had their own rythym, their own beat.

However. I had just had a great time with complete strangers in a train station. All good clean fun. There was no violence, no lewd or improper behaviour. The police who were watching were smiling at us, and sometimes laughing at us. People would stop and stare, some would join in. Apparently, nearly 3000 people came to this event...3000! The largest gathering of mobile clubbers in the UK, ever. And...it was peaceful. Just for fun. Just to let out your anger, your fustration, your weariness through the medium of dance without worrying about looking like a prat, because well...there were 3000 others just like you!

I went away feeling chilled out, and feeling as though I'd stumbled upon (with the fabulous help of T - bless your cotton socks!) a secret club and was initiated in a bizarre ritual.

I felt great. Liberated even. Go on, try it out! Website address:www.mobile-clubbing.com.

Thank you to my mates who were checking out my blog and reported to me that I have been lax in updating my blog. BAD ME! I apologise mes amies!

It's been a little hectic of late, things have been a-happenin', and my mind is worn to a frazzle unfortunately. I need my Christmas holiday, BADLY.

Good news, I have taken a step closer to realising a 'dream.' It's not a 'complete' dream, but I had to make something up, so that I could work towards something rather than float aimlessly through existence being no help to myself or to anyone else for that matter.

So, thanks to you for being my mate, whoever you are, reading this blog. Thanks for everything, and remember....

'Dance in the streets, not in your room'

Although, it does help, if you're not on your own, say with about 3000 others... ;)